Why Report on 2003 When I Can Predict for 2004?

by Bob T.

SL 2003 Ramblings....Seventy-something games into the season, fourteen games under .500...Questionable draft strategy...Email sparring with Swinea of all people...Is Ken really married, or was that a weird dream?...I wonder if Joe is parking cars at some Canadian country club...At least the Cubs are winning...Did Greg use a corked mouse all those years?...Vlad has a few more stolen base attempts left, I'd better not forget about them or Keith will rip me for the umpteenth time in some write-up...PLAYOFFS?... Maybe Matt can teach me how to play Sheepshead one of these days...I can't wait to share my Hawk Harrelson impersonation with K.K....Will there be a Dave/Chris playoff race down to the wire?...I hope Graham comes into town so I can play some pool with Maria, because that may very well be the APBA highlight of my summer...I need a winning streak of about fifteen games. It could happen...

I could go on and on about my SL 2003, citing weak OBP's and slugging percentages, but I prefer to block out those images, and others, such as Irod colliding with Helton every other series. I don't feel up to making any cynical remarks about Ken pulling off one-sided trades or ridiculing Greg for having a T-like season.

Yes, I had visions of a great SL 2003. Perhaps I'll get lucky and go on a streak. Maybe things will turn around. In case they don't, here are some visions of things to come in SL 2004:


  • Ownership:

    We'll all be back.
  • Divisons:
    Panic Schmanic: Graham, Dave, and Greg

    Dunlop: Ken, Steve, and Bob

    East of Mississippi Kleins of the Molson Divison: Chris, Matt, and Keith

  • Disk-Related Issues:
    For the first time in several years, all G.M's will have the disk as an early Christmas present.


    For Graham:

    After Graham draws the first pick of the SL 2004 draft, he and Maria decide that it's in the cards for them to marry. They elope in Las Vegas in January. Still in honeymoon bliss, Graham makes a questionable decision in selecting John Smoltz as the number one pick of SL 2004.

    For Dave:

    Dave will make his second straight playoff appearance, this year as a division champ, riding Mark Prior into the Spit Cup semi-finals. Outside of the SL arena, Dave will receive national attention, when Chicago Cub G.M. Jim Hendry reveals to Sports Illustrated that while at a urinal at an I-Cubs home game, Dave suggested trying Bobby Hill out at third base.

    For Greg:

    Surprisingly, Greg has no bitterness after co-sponsoring the end of the SL 2003 year party with Bob T. Though not thrilled with the ninth and tenth pick of the draft, Greg picks a centerfielder and a shortstop not named Jeter in rounds one and two. Later in the spring, Greg announces that he and Pam are expecting their second child. After missing the playoffs for the second consecutive year, the public will begin to wonder if Greg has lost his APBA touch.

    For Ken:

    Ken surprises league members by attending the SL 2004 Winter Meeting. During that long weekend, he manages to hit Lou Malnatti's, Emil's, Bill's Pub, and a bunch of other places with apostrophe's in their names. No longer the reigning Spit Cup Champion, Ken spends the year battling his division rivals in a closely contested playoff race. Things will turn south for Ken in early August shortly after Chris, Bob, and Steve road-trip out to Colorado for some face-to-face games with Ken and Graham.

    For Bob:

    Bob's year will start great. He meets the girl of his dreams, and gets off to a great SL 2004. Shortly after planning a wedding that includes all the SL owners as groomsmen, his luck changes: He loses both the girl and the division.

    For Steve:

    Sorry gang, but Steve's team, the Cheyenne Hallucination wins the SL 2004 Spit Cup, defeating wild-card winner Chris in a seven game series. Steve will rent a convertible and drive with Taz and Haitham from 35th and Shields to Grant Park in a one-car parade to celebrate his long-awaited spit cup championship.

    For Matt:

    Matt wins MOY while capturing his division in SL 2004. He will have a great run before succumbing to the evil-doer Swinea in the first round of the playoffs. In a shocking, violent fashion, Matt smashes his computer screen with the Klein/Havens baseball bat after Mark Loretta hits a dramatic, three-run, ninth-inning homer to oust him out of the playoffs.

    For Keith:

    Keith, basking in the glory of the 2003 Spit Cup, just can't seem to find a winning formula for SL 2004. He breezed to the championship in 2003, but this year will prove to be the most frustrating year of his SL tenure, culminating with the disclosure that he exceeded centerfield usage with Corey Patterson.

    For Chris:

    Chris remains a high roller in the playoff race for yet another year, capturing a wild-card berth. He will edge out Dave in the semi-finals before losing to Cheyenne in six games. Despite losing in the SL playoffs, Chris garners another type of championship while coaching Harrison, Austin, and Andrew to a little league championship.


    Ronny will never win the attendance game on a regular basis. Pat is way too good.

    Bob 06.18.2003