Hatfield Rainmakers Announce 2002 SL Franchise

HATFIELD, WISCONSIN (UPI): In a stunning development matched only by last year's midnight relocation of the once proud Woollum Mammoth SL franchise to Griswold, Iowa, team owner David Basler has announced that his team will be relocating to its third city in the last three years. The choice this year? Hatfield, Wisconsin.

In commenting on the move, Hatfield Director of Public Relations Ted Nugent stated: "Clark and Jackson counties rank in the top five for annual deer kill, making Hatfield an ideal place for bow hunting. We believe it is also an appropriate locale for Hatfield's hunt for the Spit Cup in 2002." In addition, Hatfield has plenty of room for visitors to the newly constructed David Basler Museum of Great Managerial Moves. The Lake Arbutus area has three well- maintained campsites, a roped-off sand beach, electric hook-ups, showers and toilets, and a small store are on site. Hatfield offers bait shops along with gas and grocery stores.

Nugent announced that the name of the Hatfield franchise would be the Hatfield Rainmakers. "Most people know that David Basler has made his fortune bringing in numerous clients to his law firm, thereby creating his reputation as a real rainmaker. In addition, one of Mr. Basler's favorite Widespread Panic songs is about Charles Hatfield, a real-life rainmaker who was shafted by his former clients."

Basler's comments at this morning's press conference were limited in scope, since a legal cloud still hangs over the Rainmakers' future. The owner of the 2001 Spit Cup Champion Black River Falls franchise, Ken Klein, has filed a request for a preliminary injunction to keep Hatfield from relocating so close to Black River Falls, only 8 miles south on Highway K. "It may be that we can work something out so that Klein could move his franchise to a larger market," speculated Basler. "After all, I hear River Falls, Alabama is looking for a SL team."

Reporters asked Basler to comment on rumors that he was trying to buy some good luck for his team by moving so close to the site of last year's champions. "I can't deny that I am looking for a little Jackson County Voodoo," said Basler.

In addition to the controversy surrounding the relocation of last year's Griswold team to Hatfield, Basler is also facing opposition to his demands that the city governments of Hatfield, Alma Center and Humbird build a publicly-funded stadium for the Rainmakers. "I lost $17 last year on revenues of $0," stated Basler. "And that doesn't even include what I spent on Oke-Doke."

In evaluating the Rainmakers' roster for 2002, Rainmaker Vice President of Player Personnel Sam Basler suggested that Sammy Sosa might join the club via free-agency. "I want Sammy Sosa to be a Rainmaker," stated young Basler, "but Gracie is pushing for Mark Grace to be our first round pick." Basler then slipped into a coma-like trance, turning back to an epsiode of SpongeBob Squarepants that he had already seen 15 times.

Whatever happens with the pending legal battles involving the Hatfield franchise, both David Basler and Sam Basler seem intent on bringing a Spit Cup to the Bruce Mound Winter Sports Area come next October/November. "We will do whatever it takes to win in 2002," vowed David Basler. "Heck, I might even change my last name to Nims-Klein."